terribly lonely
I went out early this morning to water my lemon tree. I felt terribly lonely. My lemon tree is a good, faithful friend, full of wisdom and understanding. But there are times when I long for more, times when I would love to hear a human voice.
A voice that cares. Is this foolish? Or selfish? Why should anyone care about me? I am so poor, and have so little to offer. For years now, my life has revolved around my lemon tree. I have no other real interests.
Other than living. Someday, I would like to try that. I used to think I was living, but that was long ago, when I used to think a lot of things. When it turned out that what I was thinking did not have much meaning, I stopped thinking altogether.
Not really, of course. It is hard to stop thinking. Try it sometime. The more you work at it, the louder your thinking becomes, until at last you are consumed by it. And then, without the least bit of warning, it stops. Of its own accord. Silence.
Why is that, I wonder? And the silence is so full. It is full of wordless possibility, tenderness, and grace. It is timeless. By this I mean that within the silence, time does not exist. Nothing waits, ends, or begins.
A voice that cares. Is this foolish? Or selfish? Why should anyone care about me? I am so poor, and have so little to offer. For years now, my life has revolved around my lemon tree. I have no other real interests.
Other than living. Someday, I would like to try that. I used to think I was living, but that was long ago, when I used to think a lot of things. When it turned out that what I was thinking did not have much meaning, I stopped thinking altogether.
Not really, of course. It is hard to stop thinking. Try it sometime. The more you work at it, the louder your thinking becomes, until at last you are consumed by it. And then, without the least bit of warning, it stops. Of its own accord. Silence.
Why is that, I wonder? And the silence is so full. It is full of wordless possibility, tenderness, and grace. It is timeless. By this I mean that within the silence, time does not exist. Nothing waits, ends, or begins.
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